Parenting in South Africa is about more than raising children; it is about shaping family values, strengthening family relationships, supporting healthy child development, and building the emotional availability needed to navigate modern parenting challenges in a rapidly changing world.

As The Everyday Mavericks, we recognise that positive parenting, intentional family influence, and a deeper understanding of child development and parenting are among the most powerful investments we can make in parenting and society, because today’s children are tomorrow’s citizens, problem-solvers, and future leaders.

Is the Problem Parenting? Reflections on Family, Values and Society

More and more intensely over the last week or so, especially the last couple of days, what is really top of mind for me is the issue of parenting.

I've really been thinking about how parenting is the thing that makes or breaks society. You know, we give a lot of flak to our politicians, to our leaders, to different people, but we refuse to see the building block of society. Yesterday, I was doing a bit of thinking and researching about the whole sandbox concept and how parenting filters into the Sandbox learning methodology. Really, for me, the crux of the matter is that we make or break society in the family, and especially through the parents.

The Family as the Building Block of Society

We know the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. So, the parents, where they establish their home, that is the first level of environment. Where the home is established, how they conduct themselves in the home, and then how they conduct themselves in the community. And then, who is the extended family?

It Takes a Village to Raise a Child

When I say extended family, I don't necessarily mean biological family. Not all of us are in a situation where we have biological family living close by; some of us have travelled and moved away from our biological family. Now we find ourselves living in regions where there is no immediate family close by, so the extended family becomes everybody.

The village then becomes the people that you are exposing your child to, who are partnering with you. So, for example, the school teacher is a partner in raising this child, the crèche teacher, the friends that come around, the friends that you go to, and the parents of your kids' friends. All of this becomes a village because your children start seeing all these different adults and how they are modelling behaviour.

Values, Priorities and Modern Parenting

How a parent is determined by our values. I've written before about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, and anybody who is interested can go and have a look at that specific blog. However, your value system—what is it really that you value?—is going to determine how you behave.

So, if your highest value is putting a roof over the child's head, and basic needs, according to Maslow, are what you value, then lifestyle becomes important. Not only a roof, but what car is it? How good is it? Do you want to live in a mansion, an apartment, or somewhere else? The level of importance you place on these things shapes your decisions.

When Providing Replaces Presence

Yeah, so here's where it goes wrong.

There was a time when I consumed biographies of various high performers in the entertainment industry, business, and so on. I listened to many, many interviews, and the line that these people often used to justify their lifestyle was, "I'm doing this for my kids so that my kids can have a good home and a good upbringing."

The irony is that later, when the children are grown, the family has often fallen apart. There may be a divorce. The children want nothing to do with the parents. The whole family has broken down. Some children develop drug problems. Some have problems with the legal system.

Now, I understand that life is more complicated than simply blaming parenting. But it does make me ask difficult questions about what happens when providing for our children slowly replaces being present with them.

So, when we are parenting, what is our focus really?

In this modern lifestyle, it's so easy to get caught up in the hustle, the grind, and the constant push. We tell ourselves it's for the kids. It's for the family.

But is it really?

The kids do not need a bigger television. They do not need a fancy car. They do not need a mansion.

They need food. They need proper nutrition. They need a safe shelter. They need a good education.

Parenting Happens on the Child's Schedule

Unfortunately, parenting does not happen on your schedule.

Or perhaps I should say that character building, mentoring, sandbox learning, and the development of a human being do not happen on the parents' schedule.

According to modern research in psychology and child development, many of these opportunities happen on the child's schedule.

The child comes home from school dysregulated, and you are not there.

The child develops a problem while you are at work, and you are not there.

The child begins navigating friendships and relationships, and you are not there.

These moments cannot be planned.

Why Availability Matters More Than Ever

So, at the end of the day, the crux of the matter I am trying to make is simple: parenting requires time.

The more time and energy you invest in being present with a child, the better.

Actually, that's not quite the right word.

The word I am looking for is availability.

Parenting requires somebody who is available.

Unfortunately, our lifestyle determines how available we are.

Our primary objective as parents—and our contribution to the world—is to put a child into the world who is healthy in body, mind, and spirit. A child who is productive, contributing, generous, capable of solving problems, and able to collaborate with other human beings.

A child who is not a bully.

A child who can build friendships.

A child who knows how to make good decisions.

A child who knows how to choose friends, entertainment, career paths, and opportunities wisely.

All of those things require time.

And all of those things require availability.

Yes, we need to put food on the table.

But we also need to ensure that we are giving children as much availability as we can.

The old idea was quality time.

Increasingly, the research suggests that quality time alone is not enough.

Children need real time.

Learning from Our Own Parenting Journey

I'm not judging or condemning anybody.

I do not want anybody to feel bad about the decisions they have made.

We simply need to be honest about the choices we have made and work to improve where we can.

There is help available. There is information available. We live in the information age.

And I am certainly not a perfect parent.

I also subscribed to hustle culture at one point in my life.

There was a time with my eldest daughter when I hardly saw her at all.

I would leave before she woke up and return home after dark. When work required travel, there would be days when I did not see her at all.

In the first few years of my eldest daughter's life, I did not see her nearly as much as I would have liked.

The Future Is Being Raised Today

The life we are living today is completely different from the one many of us grew up in.

Children are encountering challenges that previous generations never had to deal with. Technology has changed everything.

They are being exposed to information earlier. They are facing social pressures earlier. They are navigating a more complex world than many of us experienced at the same age.

That means parents need to be smarter, more observant, more intentional, and more available than ever before.

I am not suggesting that there is one perfect way to parent.

Every family has to make its own decisions.

But perhaps we need to ask ourselves a difficult question.

If tomorrow's leaders are being shaped in today's homes, are we giving parenting the attention it deserves?

Because the future is not being built only in parliament, in boardrooms, or in universities.

The future is being raised today, one child at a time.

Moving Forward...

Live curiously.

Lead courageously.

Life is worth living.

The Everyday Mavericks keep moving forward with intention.

Shalom.

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