The Disco Ball Life: Learning to See Goodness, Kindness, and Gentleness

Why do kindness, goodness and gentleness seem so similar? Through stories from nature, environmental education and everyday life, this article explores how curiosity helps us move beyond assumptions, recognise the subtle differences between these virtues, and reflect more light into the lives of others.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law."

— Galatians 5:22–23 (KJV)

Learning to See 

One of the greatest moments in nature isn't spotting a rare bird.

It's the day when birds stop looking like birds.

As someone who has spent much of my life working in nature conservation and environmental education, guiding has often been part of my work. I've discovered that when people first enter the natural world, so many things look exactly the same.

Take birds, for instance. Beginners often see all the weavers as a sea of yellow. Sparrows, finches, and waxbills seem almost indistinguishable. Trees blur together, especially when you're trying to tell one acacia from another. And grasses? Unless you've spent years studying them, identifying many species without their flowering heads can challenge even experienced naturalists.

Those of us who spend time guiding groups even have a nickname for it.

A child will point excitedly at a tiny brown bird and ask, "What's that?"

If we can't identify it immediately, we'll often smile and reply, "That's an LBJ."

In the environmental education world, LBJ stands for Little Brown Job. It's our light-hearted way of admitting that there are lots of little brown birds that look remarkably similar until you've trained your eye to notice the subtle differences.

The funny part is that people hearing the expression for the first time often assume LBJ is the name of the bird.

It isn't.

It's simply an honest admission that we haven't learnt enough about that particular bird yet.

I wonder how many things in life we unknowingly treat as LBJs.

I've noticed something similar outside the bush.

Many of us don't naturally notice the finer shades of colour. Green is simply green. Red is just red. Yet someone standing beside us may point out olive, lime, emerald, chartreuse, crimson, or burgundy. They aren't looking at a different world. They've simply learnt to notice more of the one that's already there.

Perhaps life—and faith—work the same way.

Becoming a Student Again

Before I go any further, I need to make a confession.

I didn't begin writing this article because I already knew the difference between goodness, kindness, and gentleness.

I began writing it because I realised I didn't.

I've spent my entire life in and around the Christian faith. I've attended church for as long as I can remember. I've heard countless sermons about the Fruit of the Spirit and read these words many times.

Yet if someone had asked me a few weeks ago to clearly explain the difference between goodness, kindness, and gentleness, I honestly couldn't have done it.

To me, they were spiritual LBJs.

They all looked remarkably similar.

So before I could write this article, I had to become a student again.

I researched.

I read.

I compared ideas.

I asked questions.

In other words, I had to do exactly what this article is encouraging all of us to do.

And somewhere along the way, what had once looked like one blurry picture slowly separated into three beautiful and distinct colours.

Have I mastered them?

Not even close.

In fact, I'll probably still confuse them from time to time.

But that's okay.

The goal isn't to know everything.

The goal is to keep learning.

Curiosity Changes Everything

The idea for this article was sparked by a recent phone call.

I was speaking to a gentleman about the possibility of working together to help develop the young people under his care. During our conversation, he heard one particular word and immediately concluded that we were travel agents.

We're not.

We're part of the tourism industry, but what we do is leadership development, camps, outdoor education, and experiential learning. A simple question could have cleared up the misunderstanding in seconds.

Unfortunately, that question never came.

He had already decided who we were before taking the time to discover who we actually were.

As the conversation ended, I realised something.

He wasn't really responding to me.

He was responding to previous experiences, previous disappointments, and assumptions that had become the lens through which he viewed us.

To be fair...

I've done exactly the same thing.

Years ago, I decided we would never work with corporate team-building programmes. My assumptions had convinced me that market wasn't for us.

Then someone persuaded me to sit down and simply listen.

That one conversation opened an entirely new part of our business that has blessed us for years.

Later, we quietly closed our doors to church groups because of a handful of difficult experiences.

Once again, two people challenged our assumptions and invited us to think differently.

Once again, curiosity opened a door that assumptions had closed.

It made me realise something.

We rarely see people exactly as they are.

More often than we'd like to admit, we see them through the mirror of our own experiences.

From a Mirror to a Disco Ball

That conversation gave me another picture.

Imagine a flat mirror.

A flat mirror reflects one image from one angle.

In many ways, that's how we move through life. We reflect back what we already know, what we've already experienced, and what we've already decided.

Now imagine taking that same mirror, breaking it into hundreds of tiny pieces, and carefully building a disco ball.

Suddenly, everything changes.

Instead of reflecting one perspective, it catches light from every direction and scatters it throughout the room.

The mirror hasn't changed.

Its perspective has.

Perhaps learning works like that.

Every book we read...

Every difficult conversation we genuinely listen to...

Every assumption we surrender...

Every mistake we learn from...

Every person who stretches our understanding...

...adds another tiny mirror to our disco ball.

We don't simply accumulate knowledge.

We gain another perspective.

Eventually, we begin reflecting far more light into the lives of those around us.

A Quick Guide to Three Beautiful Virtues

That brings me back to goodness, kindness, and gentleness.

At first, they all looked the same.

Now I see that they belong to the same family, yet each reflects God's character in a different way.

Kindness

Kindness begins in the heart.

• It notices people.

• It welcomes.

• It comforts.

• It creates space where others feel seen and valued.

Kindness quietly asks:

"How can I help this person feel loved and cared for?"

Goodness

Goodness takes compassion and puts it into action.

• It chooses integrity.

• It stands for what is right.

• It is generous, courageous, and willing to do the difficult thing when necessary.

Goodness asks:

"What is the right thing to do here?"

Gentleness

Gentleness is perhaps the most misunderstood of the three.

• It isn't weakness.

• It is strength under control.

• Like a powerful horse responding to the lightest touch of the reins, gentleness chooses not to misuse its strength.

Gentleness asks:

"How can I respond in a way that protects this person's dignity?"

• It listens before speaking.

• It corrects without humiliating.

• It chooses grace over ego.

Final Reflection

The more I studied these three virtues, the more I realised something.

If I don't recognise goodness, I'll struggle to celebrate it in someone else.

If I misunderstand kindness, I may mistake it for weakness.

If I confuse gentleness with timidity, I may never learn to practise it.

We can only reflect what we have first learnt to recognise.

Perhaps that's true of people as well.

Most of us don't see others exactly as they are.

We see them through the mirror of our own experiences, disappointments, and assumptions.

Curiosity gives us permission to put that mirror down long enough to discover another perspective.

As I finish writing this article, I realise my learning isn't finished.

If anything, it's only just begun.

A year from now, I hope I'll understand these three virtues better than I do today.

Ten years from now, I hope I'll look back on this article and smile because I've discovered even more.

That's not failure.

That's growth.

None of us will ever finish building our disco ball.

Every day offers another opportunity to add another tiny mirror.

Every conversation.

Every book.

Every question.

Every mistake.

Every act of humility.

And every act of love.

So here's my challenge to you this week.

First, give yourself permission not to know everything.

Become a student again.

Stay curious.

Ask another question before jumping to a conclusion.

Then give other people that same grace.

Resist the temptation to make them another "LBJ"—another person you've quickly labelled because they look familiar or remind you of someone from your past.

Look again.

Listen again.

Respond with gentleness.

Choose goodness.

Lead with kindness.

Finally, perform one completely random act of kindness for someone who can never repay you.

Buy a stranger a cup of coffee.

Help someone carrying heavy bags.

Encourage someone who's having a difficult day.

Leave the world just a little brighter than you found it.

Don't post it on social media.

Don't tell anyone.

Just quietly reflect a little more light.

Because that's what disco balls do.

They don't create the light.

They simply learn to reflect it from more and more angles.

May we keep adding mirrors for the rest of our lives.

Moving forward

May we cultivate lives that bear good fruit.

Live curiously.

Lead courageously.

Life is worth living.

Shalom.

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