What is a Father?
Why Boys Need Fathers: Rebuilding Society by Raising Healthy Boys
I recently had the opportunity to spend time on a mountaintop with a group of boys from the Zandrift community. Experiences like these always reaffirm a conviction that sits deep in my soul: boys matter, and fatherhood matters even more.
My work allows me to engage with people from many walks of life—educators, social development practitioners, spiritual leaders, entrepreneurs, and elders rich with hard-earned wisdom. Each conversation is a privilege. Yet, among them all, boys remain closest to my heart.
Why? Because I am convinced that if we raise boys who are physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually healthy, we raise healthy families. Healthy families build healthy communities. Healthy communities shape cities, nations, and ultimately the world.
This is not a popular opinion in an age of gender wars and emotionally charged narratives. But if we pause the rhetoric, silence the extremes, and actually fact-check the data, it becomes clear: the crisis facing boys is profound and largely ignored.
Repairing Society Starts With Repairing Boys
Let me be clear—this is not an attempt to minimise the seriousness of gender-based violence. On the contrary, it is an invitation to confront its root causes.
Unaddressed childhood trauma in boys does not disappear with age. It mutates.
A wounded boy often grows into a wounded man—and wounded men become society’s most expensive problems: incarceration, addiction, violence, and broken families.
We often abandon boys when they are young, fail to nurture them emotionally, and then condemn them as adults for the very damage we refused to heal. That feels deeply unjust.
If we want safer communities, we must intervene earlier. We must stop asking, “What’s wrong with men?” and start asking, “What happened to them as boys?”
Why Fatherhood Is Non-Negotiable
As a father of two daughters, this issue is deeply personal. One day, I will welcome sons-in-law into my family. I imagine them to be men of discipline, honour, integrity, and moral courage.
I pray for my daughters’ future husbands. But prayer without action is incomplete. Scripture teaches us that faith requires participation. We must collaborate with God by showing up where it matters most—fatherhood.
Historically, society has reduced the role of fathers to one primary function: financial provision. While provision is important, it is incomplete.
In the pursuit of success, status, and survival, many men have overlooked the true value of fatherhood.
The Two Roles Boys Desperately Need From Fathers
I would argue that accountability and affirmation should sit at the top of a father’s responsibility list.
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Accountability teaches boys boundaries, discipline, and self-control.
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Affirmation builds identity, confidence, and emotional security.
A father can provide wealth, property, and privilege—but if he withholds affirmation and refuses to hold his children accountable, he has failed in his highest calling. And society eventually pays the price.
Both boys and girls need this from their fathers. But boys, in particular, crave a strong, present male figure who says:
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“I see you.”
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“I’m proud of you.”
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“Your actions matter.”
A Call to Leaders, Fathers, and Mentors
Leadership is influence. Whether you are a father, mentor, coach, pastor, teacher, or community leader—your presence matters.
Let us raise boys who know who they are.
Let us hold them accountable without crushing their spirits.
Let us affirm them without excusing destructive behaviour.
May we learn to echo the words of our Heavenly Father:
“This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.”
Because when boys know they are seen, guided, and loved, they become men capable of changing the world for the better.
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